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    October 22

    记忆是黑洞

          一年了,心里同时也要轻声说再见。我还清晰地记得带你翻山时,紧握你手的冷汗。还记得我最初写过一篇关于你的文字。尽管这些,今天写出来,会被看做是多么煽情与矫情。但无所怎样,就像无数次自我暗示过的,我是忠于自己内心的。

          网络上删除了可以出现你的任何方式,保留在电脑上的影像没有删除却也不会在主动触及。可是你却偷偷潜入我的梦中,在梦里与我对话,撕裂拼合好的灵魂。这样的场景一连出现了好多天了。梦的来源是已有的记忆。但当记忆成为一个黑洞,它会吞噬一切重建的信心。好在我是有底限的人,即使很受挫,但不会失去最初的那些原则。与你在一起的时候,价值观总是会受到一些限制。我,不会成为你所希望的那些人。这也许是说再见的唯一原因。

          我,适应了现在这种环境。它让我冷静,冷静的可以听到空气摩擦的撕裂声。你不会知道,也不愿知道。就像我总是会说,“看,那颗夜空中的星”。而你看到是遮蔽双眼的黑幕。

          在去年初冬的好多夜晚,我仰望的,多半是白夜。白夜也有闪亮的星星。我追逐他,他也陪伴我。逝去的,终于不会复原。跨越时空的,多半被时空磨灭。我们是终会泯灭的物种,谁又能留得下什么?

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